"I owe my life to Mrs. Wilson's and its staff. I celebrated 20 years of sobriety on February 22, and this is a wonderful way to express my appreciation. I would not be a healthy, sober woman today without Mrs. Wilson's, Alcoholics Anonymous and God. Alcoholics Anonymous keeps me sober; however, Mrs. Wilson's introduced me to AA.
I started drinking and practicing "better living through chemistry" when I was 12 years old. In only nine years of drinking, alcohol stole my hopes, dreams and my basic desire to live. I was not willing or ready to get sober when I was 21, but I was coerced into a rehabilitation center. It was then suggested that I live in a halfway house after my discharge and I reluctantly said Yes. My original commitment was to stay 90 days until I could get everyone off my back and then return to my insane life. What a surprise when I discovered that Mrs. Wilson's felt like home, and I was able to live in a sober, structured environment with other recovering women for one year. I truly believe that I would not be alive today if I didn't begrudgingly get on that plane to New Jersey in 1982.
I was one of those so-called "high bottom" alcoholics because I didn't lose anything or go to jail. However, I spent three months in a locked psychiatric ward because I tried to kill myself when I was 20 years old. My jail was internal; I had an emotional bottom. My life was unbearable and I didn't understand that it was directly related to the booze and drugs. I thought they were helping me to survive. I woke up everyday wanting to die.
There is nothing more painful than the shame of an alcoholic woman-waking up in strange places with bruises and cuts, and hurting the people you love the most. Then, God gave me a chance to find a better life and the women at Mrs.Wilson's loved me back to health. The greatest gift I've received is to wake up every morning and want to live. So much has happened in the last 19 years since I left the house. One thing that I always remember is something Doris, my counselor used to tell me in her comforting southern drawl: "Honey, you do the right things and the right things will happen."
I've continued to be an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is my medicine to keep my disease in remission. I've made some mistakes through the years but I've learned from them. I didn't have any dreams when I first got sober, but unbelievable things have happened. I entered Mrs. Wilson's with no job skills; the only thing I knew how to do was to serve drinks. I returned to college and obtained a business degree. I started as a temporary employee in a corporation time-stamping mail and left ten years later managing a $17 million project with 100 people on the staff. I married a man who I adore, and he treats me with the respect that I know I deserve. We have two beautiful children who have never seen their Mommy drunk. Hopefully, we can finally break the devastating cycle of alcoholism in our family.
There have been ups and downs in my life but I never give up hope that I will be okay. My motto is to stay grateful and never forget where I came from. I can have all the pain and sorrow back if I pick up a drink or a drug. I will always be immensely grateful to the staff and residents at Mrs. Wilson's for giving me the gift of life."
Submitted by a former resident of Mrs. Wilson's
"I really believe Mrs. Wilson's saved my life," says Lucy (not her real name). "I don't think I could have gone back to any kind of environment and stayed sober."
Lucy, sober now for 12 years, says she grew up in an upper middle class family, a family that was not an alcoholic one. "But I didn't know who I was," she says. "I became whoever you wanted me to be, a chameleon. I was very rebellious, had unhealthy relationships and had very dangerous-seeking behavior. I sometimes even found myself in after hours clubs at six in the morning with gun-carrying, frightening strangers." She says that the biggest lesson she has learned is that addiction knows no social or cultural boundaries. It can bring down someone who lives on a park bench or on Park Avenue. "At first I had trouble identifying with recovering alcoholics who had very 'low bottoms'," she says. "But it brought me to a place where I wasn't such a class act."
Lucy says she didn't think she had a problem. "I thought that if only I could get a decent job, a better boyfriend, a better therapist everything would be all right. But after a family intervention I just surrendered. I knew I was going to die if I didn't get help" After rehab she went to Mrs. Wilson's and learned how to be sober, to work sober, to have fun with other sober people. By the time she left she says she felt secure in her sobriety. "I went back to school and got my master's degree, met my husband in the program, married and had two children. My life is wonderful today."
A note of hope for those in early recovery, she says: "I had an interview last week with a prestigious firm and for the first time, believe it or not, I felt no shame about the person I am or had been. I was a wreck in interviews, so anxious that people would find out about me. I can see how far I have come.
I was in nursing school, but had to quit because "using" was taking over my life. Things kept getting worse. I started missing appointments, and then I quit my job. I went to live with my mom but she wouldn’t stand for any drugs around the house. There was an A.A. meeting right around the corner from the house where I went to use, and I would see this guy I drank and drugged with going to this meeting. He had a spring to his step; he was clean; and he had gained weight. I went to that meeting a few times and, although I didn’t understand much and didn’t get it, I never forgot the encouragement I received there.
Eventually, however, I started drinking and drugging again. I got arrested more than once. It finally got to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. In jail, someone gave me the Twelve and Twelve book (the 12-Steps and Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous) and it was a miracle: I couldn’t put it down! It was like a light bulb had gone off. I read that book every night for days, and things just opened up for me. I had a lot of fears about getting sober, but reading the Steps, I saw how simple it really was. I went to Mrs. Wilson’s from prison, and I thought: I don’t care how long I have to stay there, I will do whatever it takes to get sober and stay sober. I had been worried about the rules I might have to follow at the House, but I found that they were easy compared to what I had been through. I just didn’t want to go back out and suffer any more! I wanted to be a better employee, a better mom, and I wanted to be responsible. At Mrs. Wilson’s I learned to deal with life’s situations, with whatever had me depressed or disturbed. I learned that I had a disease that had no cure. I learned to be honest, and to be proud of who I was, not who I wanted other people to think I was. It was wonderful to be with other people who didn’t judge me, who accepted me. I made friends at Mrs. Wilson’s who are still my friends.
"I love my life today! I have a good job, a home, and a good relationship with my family. I used to think that success meant driving a red Jaguar and being a CEO. Today I know that my success is my sobriety. Without it I have nothing, without it I am nothing."
